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"It's fruit cake weather. Fetch our buggy. Help me find my hat."
-- Truman Capote. A Christmas Memory.
Fruitcake Jokes
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Fruitcake Jokes Fruitcake Jokes

We’ve all heard them – the infamous fruitcake jokes. Why is history like a fruit cake? Because it is full of dates! Why do fruitcakes make ideal gifts? Because the Postal Service has been unable to find a way to damage them. The Favorite Fruit Cake Recipe is always popular.

We’ve all heard them – the infamous fruitcake jokes! “Why is history like a fruit cake? Because it is full of dates!” “Why do fruitcakes make ideal gifts? Because the Postal Service has been unable to find a way to damage them”. And then there is everybody’s favorite fruit cake recipe: Nuts, dried fruit, eggs, brown sugar, salt and a couple bottles of bourbon – for the chef.

In spite of the jokes fruit cake, if properly made, is delicious. Good fruitcake calls for top quality fruits and nuts with just enough buttery-rich batter to hold them together, careful baking and several weeks to “mellow” wrapped in cloth soaked with fine liquors. It is a slow process but one that pays off with rich, colorful, buttery fruitcakes that are as good in mid-summer as they are for Christmas. Enjoy fruitcakes of exceptional quality.

How Does Fruitcake fit in at the Royal Wedding?

See how serious Prince William and Kate Middleton are about their Fruit Cake!! Try one of our legendary fruit cakes today to see what all the fuss is about!

Favorite Fruit Cake Recipe

Ingredients:
1 cup water
1 cup sugar
4 large eggs
2 cups dried fruit
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. salt
1 cup brown sugar
lemon juice
nuts
bottle of whiskey

Procedure:
Sample the whiskey to check for quality. Take a large bowl. Check the whiskey again. To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat.

Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again. Make sure the whiskey is still okay. Cry another tup.

Turn off the mixer. Break two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity.

Sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whiskey.

Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find. Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window, check the whiskey again and go to bed.

We hope you enjoy the fruit cake jokes. If you know one please send it to us at info@CoffeeCakes.com. But please remember, our rich buttery fruit cakes are definitely not a joke.

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